Getting Back to Love
Often times, I get sad, or angry, depressed, lonely. There’s always a place I can go back to where all is well. It doesn’t matter the situation or details. The solution is always the same.
I am lucky enough to have experienced moments of pure Love. I’m sure you may have as well. The next time you do, be sure to pin it in your memory, like remembering a fleeting dream.
I can summon it most easily by remembering myself lying behind my ex partner, my arms around her. Whenever we were in a fight, and our words no longer made a difference, whenever she was sad, and nothing I could say could comfort her, one thing always, without exception, helped. I would lie behind her, hold her tightly, and let the feeling in. Love. Pure Love.
Finding Love
I didn’t always have access to this Love. Or so my story goes anyways. I grew up feeling unloved and largely alone. But in my adult life, I experienced unconditional love from my partners and my friends. Eventually I was able to experience this feeling myself. And this feeling was so simple and so pure.
I remember a specific instance, when I knew I loved my partner unconditionally, where it did not matter if we were together or not, if she loved me or not. I knew it was a feeling that would persist, through time, because fundamentally it wasn’t even about her. She is simply a conduit to something much greater, that persists through time and space. Once you come to that point, of disconnecting the love you feel from the particular person, you know it’s the real thing.
You see though, this story doesn’t matter. It’s simply my rationalization — symbols, events, a bunch of emotions and feelings, I strung together — to explain why I’m able to feel Love and have a reference to getting back to it. My mind needs that story to put Love into the context of the “reality” I think I’m experiencing. Whatever your story, know that sometime in the past or future, you arrive to a realization of what Love is, and can reference it at any time. Getting a little trippy and confusing? Well bear with me, and hold on for one heck of ride!
How To Get Back to Love
Now here’s the practical part. If I’m not happy, or angry, or just “meh” and I want to get back to that lovely lovely feeling of Love here’s what I do. I know I’ve experienced it before, I roughly remember how it feels. I want it again. Well the journey back to Love is quite a surreal journey.
It starts by me thinking of my love for my ex, a distinct person. I think back to the situation where I experienced Love with her. I imagine us laying on the wooden back porch of a cozy cabin on a private Zanzibar beach front. I bring back all the sensory information I can remember — it’s dark, our private beach slightly illuminated by the warm orange glow coming from inside the cabin. The cooling air is gently brushing against our skin. The smell of the water is in the air. We feel the strong wood of the patio holding up our completely naked bodies. Here we lay, under the stars, exposed to the elements, vulnerable. It should be paradise, yet she is crying. I don’t remember why she is upset, nor does it matter. Because all I need to do is lay behind her, hug her body close to mine, and close my eyes, to begin the process. I feel her skin against mine, her breath align with mine, our joint heart beat “thump thump…thump thump”. Like a drum, ushering in the ritual where we wave good bye to our problems, and everything that lies in this reality, seeing it disintegrate into the void. From that moment on, my memory and logic no longer have the driver’s seat. My subconscious takes over, and blends what is but a memory into something a lot more real.
Within moments, everything starts melting away. The problems we were fighting about, irrelevant. The problems I am experiencing right now, blend right into the problems of the past, gone forever. Our pain, distant. My current pain, seems equally as distant, simply an iteration of what I experienced many months ago, now seeming like years, life times. The future, nonexistent, because it contains only Love. The past, immaterial, because it was only there to lead us back to Love. At a point, nothing else matters, and therefore nothing else exists, besides Love. It’s all consuming. The ultimate state of meditation, where time and space all blend into one. There’s no me or her, or my problems, or the world, or anything else. There’s no need for any of it in the place we are.
This experience is the ultimate drug, that when taken, dissolves all else. It’s the feeling that many drugs (ex: heroine) chemically induce your brain towards feeling, but luckily there’s this natural shortcut that I can practice that works just as well, possibly better with practice.
Notice that even when writing about it, I talk about the experience in mixed tense, because every time I re-experience that feeling, I am not transitioning from one state to another, I simply remember where I am all along. It’s a space where the past, the present and the future, are all one, equally as near and far as anything else. In fact the whole concept of near or far, is quite irrelevant when it comes to Love.
Base Reality
You see, I never actually leave that place of Love, it is the base reality, the only base reality that exists. Everything that I think exists, people, animals, mountains, trees, the earth, and space are nothing more than an illusion created by me. It’s much like sitting in a room with a television. When we watch it we may get a little lost in the story, but we know we have never actually left the room. Heck, we WANT to get lost in the story. The more captivating the better, right? But we know that all that happened in the show, was in our heads. In the same way, reality is just a story that is both created and observed by consciousness. And that TV example, is simply a symbol to express what the consciousness is experiencing.
Memories are Brittle
Do you have doubts that we made this reality up? Think all this is real? Well, consider how brittle and malleable your memories are. I have often remembered a situation a certain way — I was abandoned by a friend, they did something wrong, I was a victim, I was wronged. Then I have a conversation with that same friend, and am reminded of the facts. Maybe first it’s just little facts that I got wrong. Dates, times, exact things that were said. But, listen to your friend a little closer. Don’t insist on your own version of the story. Notice how those differences get larger and larger. It wasn’t him that stopped talking to me. It was me, getting lost in my depression. It wasn’t him that abandoned me, it was me, who ran away with a lover. That old story, which seemed so real, so definite, was false. And the more I listen to my friend, the more I check the facts, the more I realize just how false that story is. And funny, after hearing this, my old story has no meaning. It’s forgotten, because we’re friends again.
Eye witness testimony is incredibly unreliable — people insert things that didn’t happen, and omit things that clearly did. They saw what they wanted to see. What prior stories and programming expected them to see.
You see though, all of this happens in our subconscious. We don’t pay attention to it. But we can. Through tools like meditation, circling, NVC, we discover the tip or the iceberg — of just how unreliable our brain is at telling us what reality is. How can you trust such a brittle instrument? Why would you believe that anything it is telling you to be reality?
Where Does the Rabbit Hole Stop?
Now, let that sit for a bit and ask yourself another question — Where does the rabbit hole stop? Sure you have science and logic, but if you really look at it, it’s just a really elaborate story that adds up to where you are now, if you don’t look too close. But what’s beneath that? You hit a dead end sooner or later when you reach your axioms, the core things you choose to believe to make this house of cards stand up. “I think therefore I am?”. What does that mean? What is thinking? Who is I? Why does one lead to the other? By its own system of logic, something can’t come from nothing. The 2nd law of thermodynamics states that in a closed system, such as the universe we believe we live in, energy can’t be created or destroyed. It all originated somewhere. We could have been created by a computer simulation, or be a dream of another person, or be magically manifested by God or gods or a Flying Spaghetti Monster. But then, where did that come from? At some point there has to be some consciousness, some “I”, something doing the thinking. I can consider myself a piece or the whole of that consciousness, or that entire consciousness. It’s still “I”. Only I, am creating everything else, consciously, unconsciously, superconciously. So drop this silly belief, that all of this is “real” and look underneath.
The “Local Real”
Here’s another concept that’s quite important. I call it the Local Real. What I believe is for the moment is real, is in fact real to the piece of consciousness that is experiencing it. That’s a really interesting duality, since I just spent a few paragraphs disapproving reality. There may be the overall I, but the piece of consciousness experiencing the “dream”, manifests as individual actors. In the moment, as far as I, the actor, am concerned, am experiencing this world as if it were reality. Because for all sakes and purposes, that moment is all that exists. After that moment, I am something else, in another scene, with different memories and perceptions of what is. This phenomenon gives the appearance of reality, in the moment, for the sole purpose of experiencing that moment. But remember, it’s just for that moment, and you are still the big I.
Love Won’t Hurt You
And here’s the even better part. I may be an actor, but I’m still a part of Love. Love would never do anything to seriously hurt itself. When it does hurt itself, it is only so it can quickly heal itself and show its love, a little BDSM if you may. And just like in BDSM, there’s no actual meaningful pain inflicted, simply just enough to simulate the role play. As an actor you may have the memory of pain, but it’s just a fabricated memory. It never actually happened. You are never put in a situation that’s truly terrible. All those memories you have of horrible things happening to yourself or others, well they’re simply there for the effect, like watching them on a TV program. So that you can experience the contrast, feel the pleasure. You’re never in any real danger. Once you realize this, you stop getting hung up on your past or worrying about the future, for you know its purpose and reality. The fantasy quickly dissipates and you come back to Love. Laugh, enjoy, and play along, back into the fantasy, back into the dream, until you reach that wonderful orgasm, the ecstasy of being with Love again.
Why The Dream?
You may ask, why do we experience this “dream” or whatever this is at all? Well my best explanation, is it’s simply to act as a contrast, to what actually is. Love in its nature has the duality of polarity and singularity. Everything that isn’t Love is simply its shadow. For without the shadow consciousness cannot perceive itself, it can only be It. It needs to step out of itself, to admire its own beauty, and experience or create its many facets via actors, only to go back to being It. For you see, it’s the only thing that exists. There’s no “other”, so it must create it momentarily, be it, only to return to the original Self.
Why Are We Here?
So what’s this reality about? Well, to know Love we can observe lovers. Much like two lovers give each other gifts, take each other on adventures, exchange love poems, admire each other, ravish each others’ bodies, Love plays the same game with itself. It adorns itself with symbols and details, such as emotional ups and downs. It manifests its inherent polarities and dualities merging into singularity to showcase again and again, its power, its beauty, its magnificence. All these are symbols that when observed, prove to itself over and over, it’s Love, for itself.
Hence, all the actors it creates, you, me, nature, are simply in its image. Playing a fractal game to glorify the essence of Love to itself. Drawing apart and together again over and over, duality to singularity, which itself is a duality and singularity, each time exalting Love in a way that seems fresh and new, but really is one and the same, like staring into an infinite fractal.
Think of it — would it be much of a love story if it said “And they lived happily ever after”? No! The love has to be proven through an elaborate set of symbols. There needs to be a duality to become the singularity. But we don’t focus on those symbols, do we? We focus on the end — the love between those two people, the singularity. The love story is a fractal representation of our illusion. We are lost, we experience Love, we experience losing our connection to it, we find it in the end one way or another, and all that happened prior didn’t matter. In much the same way, everything that happens to us as actors in this “reality” is largely irrelevant. For it was simply to go back to Love.
I get lost in this world, of symbols, like time, space, ego, and emotion, in the act of service to exalt Love. All abstract concepts and symbols are made for the purpose of perceiving that Love. But no matter what path I as an actor take in this world, what journey I imagine through all these symbols, there’s a reward, they lead back to the same place — Love. And shall I get too lost, if I can’t stand being apart from Love a moment longer, as an agent with free will, I can always return to it. Each journey seems unique and special, but it’s much like reading the same sentence of the book, over and over. Each time the sentence gaining new meaning, while remaining exactly the same. I am reminded, over and over, at the end of each journey, each iteration of the sentence, that everything prior was one elaborate illusion, with the sole purpose of experiencing the deepness, the all encompassing nature of Love, and coming back to it. Sometimes the story is short, sometimes it’s long. But it always has the same ending. Sometimes it can be experienced in reading one of the sentences above. The entire process, complete in this sentence. This entire story, a fractal consisting of such sentences. Your entire memory, a fractal of such stories. Beautiful, isn’t it? In its elegant simplicity.
Sex is Life
Life is one long love making session with Love itself.
We may be drawn to to go back to Love, just as we may be drawn to get to an orgasm. However the process, of how you get to that orgasm, completely changes the experience. When you split from Love, to become an Actor in the Dream, you become its lover, its companion, much like God split Eve from Adam’s rib. The Actor and Love exist to love each other, serve each other, pleasure each other, and experience each other.
We are grossly misinformed on what sex entails. Sex isn’t just two mammals fucking for 10 minutes, having an orgasm and going back to their lives. Not for humans at least.
Sex starts at the end of every love making session, is present in every glance, every touch, every smile, every action we take. Sex is the fundamental force of attraction between polarities, the fundamental energy of life.
Understand that all of life is nothing more than a metaphor for sex with Love. And sex, not the minuscule slice that porn you see on XHamster portrays, but sex in its purest form, is what you experience with every piece of reality. It is union with Love.
Sadly, we live our lives largely ignorant to what’s possible. Love can be an excellent lover, but we are blind to its play. Love is constantly adorning us with gifts of infinite possibility, infinite beauty. It constantly creates new adventure for us, challenges us, adorns us with gifts. You simply have to accept these incredible gifts.
Everything is part of Love’s play, the good and the bad. Love only places challenges in our life so that we can experience the joy of overcoming them. It only places loss in our life, so that we can open ourselves up to new, better, possibilities, that we couldn’t even imagine. Love only puts pain in our life, to highlight the immense pleasure that follows.
Be submissive to Love, let it take the reins of your life, and pleasure your body, your mind, and your spirit, in ways you can’t even comprehend right now.
But also be playful yourself, be naughty, don’t take life too seriously, because no one likes a grumpy lover. See what’s possible — explore! Make some mistakes! Mess up. Fall flat on your face. Love will tell you what it likes and what it doesn’t. And you will tell it. Love will never abandon you, no matter what you do. And it doesn’t keep grudges for very long. You’re the only lover it has after all! You are EVERYTHING to Love. And soon you’re realize, it is everything to you.
So count the trillions of freckles on the body that is life. Touch all the creatures, people, inventions, and ideas as if they were body parts — kiss the thigh of Love, nuzzle the nose of Nature, let yourself be hugged by the 14 billion arms of Humanity, and inhale the invigorating scent of Innovation. There are 7 billion actors, all here to play with you, please you, have adventures with you. And that’s just humans.
My friend, this world is yours, entirely yours. Love created the entire universe just for you, the most romantic gift of existence. Thank Love by living fully and enjoying its grand romantic gesture!
Extend your love making session with Love in this Dream as long as you can. Communicate with it regularly, through meditation. Learn its likes, dislikes, and kinks. And it will learn yours. And you will experience new heights of pleasure.
Going Back to Love
So, let’s go back to our initial quest. Eventually it’s time for that orgasm, or simply I’m not in the mood to play anymore. Life becomes too difficult, and not fun anymore.
I know I can go back to reality, to Love. There’s a magic key. It’s easy to call on the feeling by thinking of my reference point, my ex in this instance. And deepening that memory through stories such as this one, reminding me of reality. Often that magic key seems to elude me, it simply means I need to stay in my story of emotion and material just a little longer, play a little longer, to see the magnificence of Love, and experience the pleasure it has in store for me. But no worries, I can always come back if I really want to.
Here’s the amazing part, that key is never too far off, for everything I am interacting with is one and the same, is me, is them, is the One that I Love. The one I want to go back to. I can go back to Love by directing my love towards anything — my physical lover, my friend, my neighbor, a dog, a flower, a speck of dirt, myself even, knowing that underneath the veneer, they’re all me, they’re all Love. It doesn’t matter what I choose to love, for it all leads to the same place, like many tributaries of a river it converges to the One Source, Love.
I found this incredible meditation on Youtube that will assist you, along with the information in this article to return to Love at any time.
Remember friend, that even this was just an elaborate story. Symbols like rationalizations and emotions bundled into a story told by me, really told by you, to get back to Love. Welcome home my Love ❤️❤️❤️
