Listening for your perfect partner

I’ve found that I always found my partners by letting go of the *need* to find a partner. Instead, I practiced enjoying life and most importantly being open to opportunities and possibilities. I learned how much power the stories we tell ourselves have to sabotage us, and I have practiced letting go of them — to open myself up to the world of possibilities.

Jeffrey Allen’s video talks about broadcasting what you want to the world energetically. That’s exactly what you should do. Let your intension be known to the world — exude in the way you present yourself the type of person you’ll like to attract. But most importantly listen back to how the world in responding to that intention. Listening is by far the most important skill when it comes to the energy world.

Perfect partners walk by you all the time. And there are subtle clues that they’re the one. You may overhear a conversation about them talking about a subject you like. You might be caught in their smile. A prolonged glance in your direction. All these things, could mean absolutely nothing, but so could be the start of something wondeful.

The problem is we tend to be caught in our old stories. That things have to be a certain way. We don’t let opportunities unroll. We discount all the positive information because it doesn’t fit with our narrative — they’re far too attractive, they can’t possibly be into me. So you totally miss them winking in your direction, throwing it out as useless information. You see that they’re with someone else and say “well, they’re taken”. And you fail to develop a friendship with them that may lead to something more. You add excuses of why those opportunities can’t happen — they live to far away, different schedules, they didn’t laugh at your joke, they didn’t return a phone call. We add so much meaning to things that are really meaningless. On the flip side we might develop an obsession with a person, who just isn’t into us. And then we fail to see the hundreds of people who are. I recommend you read my article, especially the “Separating Lies from the Truth” section to get some insight into just how powerful and in accurate the stories we tell ourselves are.

https://link.medium.com/TheXBFJ3h7

But intellectual examples aren’t enough. Let me tell you a real story, the story of how I found my last partner.

My best friend took me to a polyamorous nude retreat. He also brought one of his partners, Asya. I instantly liked her. She was a world traveler, a nomad, a writer, creative, super expressive, sensual, and beautiful. But even though I knew Ray was poly, I completely put the possibility of getting with her out of my mind. He was my best friend and I’ve had some bad experiences in that arena. Later during the retreat we had a cuddle party turned orgy, and I just let go of all expectations and enjoyed myself. And before I knew it the three of us were making out.

We ended up trying a triad relationship. But it wasn’t working so well. I felt I didn’t get too much attention. But I knew at that point I loved Asya. And I decided that love will be totally independent from our relationship status or contents.

Then one day, asya and I took a landmark workshop together. There was a bit of an incident, something I said which got me kicked out, and her almost kicked out, cool story, but kind of irrelevant to the point here. Afterwards, she was pretty shaken up and decided to end the relationship with me and ray. She realized she wasn’t happy in the relationship, the incident helped her awaken to that. She was struggling a lot with the poly nature of the relationship and wasn’t ready for that type of relationship yet.

I cried. But I decided I will still love her no matter what. And there’s no reason to break off my friendship with her. So we started hanging out now, as friends, more and more. With no expectations. And this gave the space for us to really see the beauty in each other. She was the creative, thinking up ideas. I made things happen. She was expressive and free, and I was unconditionally supportive, saying “yes and”.

And slowly it just evolved into a relationship between the two of us. Even though eventually it ended, it was by far the most exciting and growth inducing relationship that I had, and I’m pretty sure it was the closest she’d been with some one as well.

And now that the relationship has ended, I’m following the same principles. I’m not discounting any possibility for the future. I know I love her, and that won’t change. Perhaps we will end up together again. And perhaps not. Im putting out the intention for that to the universe, but I’m not attaching myself to it. I’m not discounting all the other wonderful girls (or guys for that matter) that enter my life.

I’ve spent a lot of my life hung up on stories, of why a relationship can’t happen. Or why a relationship has to happen. I missed hundreds of opportunities right in front of my nose. My relationship with Asya wouldn’t have been possible if I hung on to those stories. If I wouldn’t have let go at that poly party, we would never have experienced a sexual connection. If I would’ve let go of the friendship after our first break up, it would never have turned into something wonderful. And if I stay hung up on this relationship now, I’ll miss not only possible partners, but friendships, activities, events that could transform my life.

So, my advice, if you’d like to find your other half, stop trying so hard! They’ll reveal themselves, if you open your eyes and your mind. Be bold and jump on opportunities, no matter how unlikely they seem in your head. And once in a relationship, don’t put parameters or draw conclusions from what happens. There’s no such thing as “done forever” just like there’s no thing as “together forever”. Hanging on to either will make you miss out and bring you a lot of pain!

I wish you luck in finding your soul mate(s)!