My First “Nuru Massage”
So today I tried one of those “nuru massage” services. It was an interesting experience.
Very hot girl. I got to try a bit of bdsm-ish stuff with her (choking, restraining). But she was kinda shy…At the end I was kinda just using my hand to push her arm to restrain me. And just positioned her in the right places to put pressure and restrain me. Gave really specific instructions. That was kinda interesting…I think my last exjust kinda knew what to do, so we didn’t really use words much during this kinda stuff. But it was great learning how to describe what I want. Could be useful in a lot of areas.
I think it helped me get a bit of frustration out…but I left feeling incomplete I guess (also wasn’t able to cum after 2 hours).
I guess there’s no replacing my ex….but it was kinda a nice experience.
I think I just have a lot of aggression and need a way to get it out.
I did feel very confident and assertive, while not being an asshole. I was surprised how quickly and seamlessly I was able to push her boundaries. I used to always feel like such a creep when pushing sexual boundaries. But here I felt I was doing her a favor lol. And no-s turned into yes-s within minutes lol. And the no-s didn’t feel awkward at all. We got past this point where she became more or less comfortable with me moving her body around however I wanted. And then I just stopped asking verbally what I wanted and just moved her body to press where I wanted it to press. With basically no resistance whatsoever.
I think I’m really learning, once I pass a certain threshold of physical trust with someone, my body is insanely intelligent in “conversation” and saying what it wants. If only I learned how to do that in words lol. It would make my job (and life) so much easier.
Anyways, it was mindblowing, in retrospect, to see her drastically change her attitude towards me from beginning to end. She was pretty cold and apprehensive in the beginning. Totally different vibe in the end. I tried an actual hooker a while ago in Finland. And it was a TOTALLY different experience. She was just super awkward the whole time. And I felt awkward. Just turned me off of sex work as a viable option. I end up feeling worse coming out than going in. Anyways this definitely made me feel very attractive and masculine.
I didn’t really get what I truly want (a loving, confident, smart, adventurous partner). Like I would absolutely not date that girl. But it did make me feel confident in my ability to attract a partner that actually fits that criteria, when the time is right.
I think I’m getting over my body issues and self confidence issues big time. Came a HUGE way from 10y ago. I used to believe that I couldn’t attract physically attractive, confident, smart, creative, and adventurous (sexually and otherwise) women. Like…that was reserved for 6’ male models with a yacht for their yacht.
But my ex proved me wrong. She very much was everything I wanted in all those categories. And she was attracted to me for some reason. Not instantly. But 2–3 mo in….damn. Never thought a girl would be into sex more than I was. Esp an attractive girl. But holy shit was I wrong. When girls get horny……they get really horny.
Anyways, I guess today was a nice reminder, just because I don’t have that instant sex appeal, it’s very much something I am capable of building. Esp if I practice. In fact it’s kinda nice…it filters out a lot of distractions, so I can focus on who I actually want.
And when that right girl comes along (or my ex and I cross paths again), and I’m ready for a real healthy relationship, I have no doubt I can build all the attraction I could possibly want and then some.
Also I got really good at describing how I like to be strangled. There are all sorts of specifics I discovered in such a short time. My ex and I didn’t even play with that so much. But apparently I like it a lot.
